After 5 ultra sounds to check for various types of organ problems and cancers, I'm still sick and still in the process of diagnosis. Yesterday I had a CT scan of my brain along with an MRI after...tomorrow I see a neurologist to see if something is wrong with my brain.
It's tiring being so tired all the time...but even worse, I can't be out in the sun without feeling like my head is going to blow up...no seriously, my head feels like it's expanding and retracting, the way a bratwurst sausage cooks...pulsating. Hmm...now I want a brat! And a beer! Focus Manda!
So yea...school has suffered. I am definitely going to fail at least one class...hopefully I can at least pass the other two. Tomorrow I am going to have the neurologist write me a note to take a medical leave, just until I figure this out. People have been really helpful and supportive and I do appreciate it all...sometimes I'm sure if I appreciate it enough...or maybe I'm not worrying enough, or maybe causing others to worry too much. I am not tryin' to make other people sick with worry.
I'm supposed to be writing a research paper on the hazards of preservative filled foods...which is something I believe to be a real problem, however, I find it hard to focus on anything. My flash game is not going so well either, I have not even made the little skeleton...and I SHOULD care more than I do. All I can think of is how tired I am, and how hard it is to see this computer screen and the words I am typing and I'm glad it's not sunny today because the sun hurts my head and a brat sounds good even though I'm not at all hungry. I also would like to give a shout out to T for going to get me the most AMAZING ice cream bars...Gevalia's Magnum Caramel ice cream bar...OMG. So amazing. I can barely hear my own thoughts as the volume on the television is up so high...even if I had the energy, eyesight and ability to focus, the noise makes things difficult.
I want BBQ chicken. I also want to cry. I also still love my job and my family and friends and amazing boyfriend. I love my cats.
Time to lay down for the evening. These eyes are strained.
A
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